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The TRUTH about 2012:

Part 1: Sources of ancient wisdom:

The Mayans Had a Hard Stop On Their Calendar

If there is one piece of proof of the coming 2012 catastrolypse that the Conspiracy has been unable to suppress, it is the well-known end to the Mayan calendar. Or, technically, the end of one of their calendars. Whatever. But this isn't like some issue where they just needed to upgrade to "Mayan Outlook 2007" and get a date fix - their calendar comes to a screeching halt for a reason. Or it resets. Whatever.

Maya Long Count Calendar illustration

The Maya, as you may or may not care, was an advanced Mesoamerican civilization that traces its organized roots back to approximately 1800 BC. The civilization flourished from AD 250 until AD 900, with a vibrant culture, sophisticated architecture and technology, and exceptional achievements in language and the sciences. The Maya civilization mysteriously collapsed sometime around AD 900-1000 - one of the greatest mysteries in modern archaeology. Contrary to common belief, the collapse of the Maya had nothing to do with Spanish Conquistadors, Aztecs or various common intestinal illnesses.

The Maya (or "Mayans") were unquestionably highly sophisticated in their understanding of astronomy and its relation to seasonal cycles. The Maya used a number of different cyclical calendars, including the 260-day Tzolk'in and the 365-day Haab' which were used together to provide relative dates; while their historical dates were recorded using a system commonly called the Long Count. (Interestingly, the Long Count calendar is one of the first recorded uses of the mathematical concept of a "zero" or placeholder number - an innovation Western cultures did not adopt for many years.) Other Maya calendars in sometime use included those with intervals of 9, 13 or 819 days. History does not record if there was a Maya equivalent to the Hallmark Corporation but if there was, they clearly made a killing.

Maya Long Count Calendar photo example

The Maya concept of the world was cyclical in nature: cycles of death and rebirth. The combination of the Tzolk'in and Haab coincided every 52 years - at the time, significantly longer than the average person's lifespan - and this rare occurrence was seen as a time of bad luck. Like some other mesoamerican cultures, the Maya believed that their existence was tenuous and subject to continued approval from (and sacrifice to) their gods who might at any time end their world and start anew. The Long Calendar dates "roll over" every 144,000 days.

Enough with boring history and math - let's get to where ancient books of prophecy come in.

According to one post-decline Mayan mythology book called the Popol Vuh, the gods had run through a number of these cycles, each time reinventing the world but ultimately finding their creation unsatisfactory and starting again. The fourth of these great cycles (the Fourth World, the age of humans) began at a certain point in the Long Count calendar. The next time the calendar cycles through - and hence ripe for a new cycle to begin is - wait for it - DECEMBER 21, 2012. This is the time for the Fifth Age to begin - whether through the destruction of the Fourth World or its transformation into something else is unknown. Frankly, if we were the gods, we would look at this Fourth Age of Men and after watching only an hour or two of basic cable television, we would pretty quickly conclude things had gone terribly wrong and it was time for starting over, too.

Now, for most reasonable people, the fact that a book of mythology from a vanished ancient culture predicted a new historical cycle would be enough to convince them of impending doom. However, when you add to that the overwhelming weight of similar ancient predictions, the undeniable link to the 26,000-year precession of equinoxes and proliferating modern signs of impending catastrolypse, the evidence becomes so overwhelming that it is so true that it goes off the scale of trueness to something entirely new like ... HYERULTRATRUENESS TO THE INFINITY POWER. Even the ninja-like-megatrueness of the 2012 catastrolypse.

Unfortunately, the Conspiracy is busy at work trying to keep people from understanding the supergigatrueness. "Scientists" make pathetic claims like "We have no record or knowledge that [the Maya] would think the world would come to an end" or that the 12/21/2012 prophecy is "a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in."

Fortunately, those of us in the Know are immune to the lies of the Conspiracy and can do what is necessary to begin panicking early and often.

Part 2: Evidence of the coming catastrolypse:

The Hidden Secrets of the Cross of Hendaye - and Boy Are There a Lot of Them

The secrets of the 2012 catastrolypse are not all as obvious as the end of the Mayan calendar (CLICK HERE to read our detailed analysis of its portents of doom), the prophecies of Nostradamus (see here for our detailed explanation), or the graphic depictions of Himalaya-destroying tsunamis in the popular documentary film "2012". Some secrets are hidden in obscure locations and protected by layers of symbolism and arcane knowledge, concealing terrible things such as the secrets of the world's end, or the dialogue in a Dan Brown novel.

One such key to the 2012 mystery is encoded in the famed Cross of Hendaye. The Great Cross there hides a prophecy that can only be unlocked with the knowledge of medieval mysticism, alchemy, the works of shadowy occultist Fulcanelli, the philosophy of Chilaism, and possibly the Dewey Decimal System.

Located in the coastal village of Hendaye on the French/Spanish border is the Church of Saint-Vincent. Outside that church is a stone cross, rumored to have been created in Germany during the 1600s at the behest of the Rosicrucians but later moved to Hendaye in the 1800s. This may have been because someone asked the Cross whether it wanted to live in Germany or in a French resort town.

The Great Cross of Hendaye is, unusually for a Christian monument, inscribed with a variety of alchemical symbols of unknown meaning. When interpreted in a certain (i.e. "correct") way, they are believed to represent a schematic of the legendary alchemists' Philosopher's Stone and provide detailed clues to the end of the world.

The modern fame of the Cross of Hendaye is largely due to the work of "Fulcanelli," a shadowy figure purported to be a 20th century French alchemist and occult writer. (CLICK HERE to read our detailed analysis of Fulcanelli's part in the coming 2012 catastrolypse.) Using detailed knowledge of alchemy, medieval occultism and ancient texts, Fulcanelli interpreted the Cross of Hendaye as a hidden guide to the world's end.

Some researchers have called this "the great MacGuffin of human history." (As the reader doubtless knows, a "MacGuffin" is a term coined by Benjamin Franklin to mean the central object of a movie's plot which drives the action but may later turn out to be less relevant to the ensuing developments. Examples include the "Maltese Falcon" in the film of the same name or the Magic Hair Cream in "Grease.") Temple of the Rosy Cross

So what does the Cross of Hendaye really tell us? The indisputable facts are:

The cross also "hints at a 'Place of Refuge' that will be untouched by the calamities." It is believed by some scholars that this refers to Cusco, Peru; while others believe it is a very specific plot of land in El Rancho, Colorado - address available upon request - which it just coincidentally happens that you can buy at very inflated prices if you're interested.

Part 3: Evil agents behind the conspiracy:

The Bavarian Illuminati: Will 2012 Bring Mandatory Lederhosen?

Illuminati founder Adam Weishaupt

When looking at the groups that may be behind the coming 2012 catastrolypse and doom-a-thon, one of the most frequently mentioned likely conspirators is the elusive secret society known as the Illuminati. While it may sound innocent like a new kind of Italian sports car or a high-tech flashlight with built-in MP3 player, it is in fact a sinister cabal which has dedicated itself to clandestine operation in the service of a new world order for hundreds of years. And not in a good way.

Springtime for the Illuminati

The "Bavarian Illuminati" was a society founded on May 1 1776 in Ingolstadt, Upper Bavaria, by a professor named Adam Weishaupt. The group called itself the "Order of Perfectibilists," and modeled its structure after that of the freemasons but with a greater emphasis on secrecy and hiding its members' identities. The group was influenced by many of the common Enlightenment ideals of the age including Deism, empiricism and the abolition of monarchies.

Illuminati founder Adam Weishaupt, Zombie Litigant

But Weishaupt also had a more radical vision of the future where man had been "perfected" and lived in harmony with nature, freed from government and organized religion. (Little-known fact: nearly 200 years later, Weishaupt would rise from the grave as a zombie to sue John Lennon for copyright infringement over the lyrics to the song Imagine.)

The Illuminati grew over time to include many notable German intellectuals of the day, and drew many of its members from Masonic lodges. It reportedly had more than 10,000 members at its height. However, in 1784 the ruler of Bavaria banned all secret societies. Weishaupt was exiled, the group was infiltrated by government agents, and by 1785 it had ceased to exist in its original form.

But the image of the Illuminati - with its secretive ways, elusive membership and stridently anti-religion, anti-government philosophies - lived on in many conspiracy theories long after after the organization itself had disappeared. In 1797 a Jesuit priest (unsurprisingly not a huge fan of the anti-religion Illuminati) published claims that the French Revolution had secretly been directed by the hidden group. (After this was revealed, no emperor of France ever sent a Christmas card to the Illuminati again.) The 1921 book World Revolution, the Plot Against Civilization ascribed to the Illuminati every revolution over the previous 130 years, possibly even including the Industrial Revolution and the Evolution Revolution. The founder of the right-wing John Birch Society once publicly claimed that the Illuminati controlled both sides in the Vietnam War, which seems like terrible indecisiveness to me. Claims of Illuminati plans for world domination have proliferated dramatically in the past 30 years, including many suggestions of an Illuminati hand behind the New World Order which will enslave the globe in 2012.

Great Seal of the United States - an Illuminati reference?

Some readers might suggest that there is no hard evidence that the Illuminati survived beyond 1785 as a group, and that conspiracy theorists have inexplicably attributed vast global powers to what was in fact a tiny regional debating society which has been defunct for more than two centuries. These readers are wrong, and stupid. And they smell like poo-poo.

You be Illin'-luminati

But who are the modern Illuminati? Speculation ranges widely, including:

So what do we really know? By taking this research and evaluating it critically, we know that the Illuminati are a society of Jewish bankers, born-again Christian politicians and black hip-hop moguls. Their methods include faked terrorist attacks, global economic sabotage, and alterations of the US one-dollar bill. They are dedicated to bringing on the 2012 apocalypse, dominating the MTV video charts through intimidation and assassination, posting "pro-Hedwig" materials on Harry Potter fan sites, and mercilessly harassing sawmill entrepreneurs. If that doesn't clinch the case for 2012, I'm not sure what does.

Part 4: Vehicle of Earth's destruction or salvation:

We're In Deep Shift In 2012

Among the numerous giganto-catastrolypses facing the earth in 2012, one of the best known is the Earth's incipient polar shift. Through a variety of methods - some involving actual math and numbers - many 2012 researchers have pinpointed 2012 as the date for a polar reversal with the potential to devastate the planet, obliterate civilization and cause a statistically significant increase in airline delays in and out of Chicago O'Hare airport.

The Bizarro Code Bizarro World

But what does a polar shift really mean? The term may refer to one of two different phenomena, either or both of which could literally turn the world upside down. This would turn the Earth into a "Bizarro World" where the sun rose in the West, up was down, dogs and cats lived together in harmony, Canadians were rude, the Washington Redskins won the NFC East and the band Nickelback didn't suck.

Pole Shift Hypothesis 1: Magnetic Reversal

It is a well-known scientific phenomenon that Earth's magnetic poles periodically shift - turning the magnetic "North" pole into the "South" pole and vice-versa. This event, known as a geomagnetic reversal or magnetic polar shift, occurs with varying regularity throughout Earth's history, ranging from frequent shifts every 250,000 years to long "superchrons" in which no polar shift is seen for up to 50 million years.

The Earth's last magnetic field reversal occurred 800,000 years ago, making us either 550,000 years overdue or 49.2 million years early. However, the combination of recent scientific data and good old fashioned hysteria have helped 2012 researchers pinpoint the due date for the next reversal as - wait for it - December 21, 2012.

Much of the concern over magnetic flips is driven by scientists themselves: the Sun reverses its own magnetic field every 11 years, and astronomers have identified its next upcoming change as taking place in 2012. Then research data about changes in the Earth's magnetic field published in 2002 began to drive wide speculation. The PBS series Nova fretted over whether the Earth's magnetic field was beginning to change or even disappearing entirely. Even the UK newspaper The Guardian - from a country known for its level-headed reasonableness and drunken fistfights during soccer games - declared in a banner headline "Sun's rays to roast Earth as poles flip."

This sounds like a pretty open and shut case for a Super Sized Value Meal of Magnetic Pole Reversal Doom in 2012. But the sinister misinformationists at NASA would have you believe that "during a magnetic flip ... Reversals take a few thousand years to complete, and during that time--contrary to popular belief--the magnetic field does not vanish. It just gets more complicated ... A south magnetic pole might emerge over Africa, for instance, or a north pole over Tahiti. Weird. But it's still a planetary magnetic field, and it still protects us from space radiation and solar storms." Or so they would have you believe.

Pole Shift Hypothesis 2: Physical Reversal

If you feel that magnetic reversal sounds too gradual, predictable and even plausible, then this is the theory for you. Even more frightening is the concept of a cataclysmic pole shift in which the Earth's rotational axis physically changes.

Most proponents of the physical reversal theory believe that in 2012 the Earth may slip onto its side or completely alter its axial spin. Even a casual glance of the Internets will demonstrate the overwhelming evidence for a coming polar shift.

Earth's core and magnetic field

One website focused on helping those in the greater Scranton, PA area survive warns us that a catastrophic physical pole shift is imminent due to the return of the rogue 12th planet (see our coverage). The site predicted all this would occur in 2003, but I don't think that's any reason to discredit its scientific reasoning or excellent advice on saving seeds for post-apocalyptic gardening. (Fortunately, another site dedicated to the Pole Shift - inspired by the author's "astonishing" visions while having a bad case of the flu - informs us that the predictions of a pole shift for May 15, 2003 were just "misinformation by Shadow people to confuse all of us," meaning that you still haven't missed the chance to wear that special outfit you had picked out just for an extrasolar collision and global catastrophe.)

Another prediction is that the pole shift will cause everyone in New York City to instantaneously fall 2,000 feet to their deaths. This data comes from the highly trained and well-grounded professional geologists populating the "AboveTopSecret.com" 2012 forums warn of the results. Get it? Well grounded? Geologists? Oh, forget it.

According to famed 2012 researcher Patrick Geryl, "Scientifically [pole shift] can only be explained by the fact that the earth will start rotating in the opposite direction, together with a huge disaster of unknown proportions." Now, "unknown proportions" sounds vague to us - for example, is it bigger than a breadbox? Fortunately for those concerned with quantifying their doom, Patrick states clearly that "life after a polar reversal is nothing but horror, pure unimaginable horror ... The earth will be subjected to total destruction. It will be many times worse than my description. Terrible hunger, cold and pain, and more will rule your daily life: without hope of a quick recovery, because all knowledge and resources will have been completely destroyed." This definitely sounds bigger than a breadbox. Fortunately Patrick also mentions that you can buy his books to learn how to survive the catastrophe - or at least make sure your good china is bolted down when the Earth's rotation stops and life becomes an unending misery much like watching reruns of "Mama's Family."

Carl Peterson, Patriot

One man who has tirelessly warned of the impending pole shift in 2012 is Carl Petersen (visionary, tax exile and seller of portable sawmilling equipment) at his website www.poleshift2012.com. Petersen, following the theories of Charles Hapgood, warns us that the weight of ice at the Earth's poles may cause the planet to tilt over. This, combined with the tides created by the moon and the sun, will pull on the lava underneath the ground - something about the center of the planet spinning faster than the crust - something about the abolition of income taxes - OK, I got lost before the end of the explanation.

But that's not important right now. What is important is that Carl isn't just whining about impending doom, he's doing something about it. Carl has identified the place on the planet where you can go to survive the catastrophes of the future, and do it in style. Carl is seeking like-minded visionaries to help him build a post-apocalyptic society on the island of Santos in the tiny Pacific nation of Vanuatu. From there, you can live in protection from disasters, enjoy perfect weather and cheer on the Vanuatu national cricket team. And also experience the occasional magnitude 7+ earthquake.

Predictably, scientists have dutifully served the conspiracy by making outrageous claims such as that polar shift is an incredibly rare phenomenon which has take place only a few times in the history of the solar system, and appears in no way likely to recur on Earth.

While so-called "scientists" with so-called "advanced degrees" from so-called "accredited universities" may try to brainwash the public with their so-called "facts," those of us in the know are on to their little game. While the particular cause or effects of the coming planetary shift may be subject to debate, the fact that we are all pretty much hosed remains incontrovertible.

Part 5: How you can save yourself (or die more efficiently):

Go To Your Happy Place

Any of you who have seen the popular documentary "2012" will know that when the catastrolypse strikes, worldwide devastation on an epic scale will ensue. Even a smaller catastrophe like a simple massive cometary impact could cause significant inconvenience to those living in the areas destroyed by hypersonic shock waves. What can you do to avoid either - and hopefully both - of these outcomes?

Where do researchers claim you can be safe?

Many researchers have posed their thoughts on where you can weather the death-a-palooza, then cheerfully emerge into a post-apocalyptic world not unlike the video game "Fallout." Where do the authorities point us to?

With so many conflicting theories on where to go on 12/21/2012, what can a savvy survivalist do?

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End of the World Marketplace